Without You
by Aoi Seguchi
Summary: A oneshot songfic using Without You from Rent. Roxas's feelings and such after Axel's death. AU because all thirteen members with the exception of Axel are somehow still alive after Axel dies. Oh yeah...spoilers. Axel dies.


Author's Notes:

This is pretty much a half formed thought of mine. I will revise it one day and it will be different and better-er. I will not blame you if you don't get it, because I don't even get it. It was just an idea I had to type up.

This takes place after Axel dies; slightly AU because Roxas wouldn't still exist at this point in the game, and neither would Marluxia, Zexion, or Demyx. It is part of the song Without You from Rent, with brief paragraphs to match each line.

This can be taken as boy's love or a more friendly relationship, but I wrote it intending it to represent a romantic relationship between Axel and Roxas.

Enjoy. And review, or I'll eat your face. 3 Thoughtful reviews appreciated!

Beta'd by my lovely cousin, Usagi. You rawk! She also helped with a few ideas. Yay!

Without You 

_Without you_

"No. It isn't true." The words pulsed through Roxas's mind, trying to push aside the words "he's dead" but failing. He lay there on the floor in front of him, and no one would do anything.

_The ground thaws_

Standing in that empty field (1), he saw not the tiny shoot of green poking up from the darkness of the frozen ground, vision obscured by the salty water dripping from his sapphire eyes. A plump tear rolled down his cheek, off his chin, onto the shoot of grass. It shriveled up and died.

The rain falls 

Cold was all he felt – cold blood, cold skin, cold thoughts, and cold hole in his chest where his heart would have been. Spring had breathed life into the earth, but not into the person most important to him; so cold he stayed. The tears of the sky fell and kissed his exposed hair and face. He didn't bother to put his hood up.

_The grass grows_

That same field, same sky, same feeling, different company. He had no one with him but the tall grass. It tickled his hands as he walked through it, almost making him smile. Remembering his loss, he couldn't. Why did the earth never fail to be revived each year by the sun, when in it was buried so many memories, so many lives that would never have a second chance? It used those memories and lives for life as well, the greedy earth. (2)

_Without you_

Back in the castle, Roxas went to Proof of Existence so he could get into his room. He saw the glowing red light that was once blue where Axel's name was displayed and felt something cold in his chest.

_The seeds root_

Roxas sat on a bench in Marluxia's garden. Nothing but dirt in neat rows with small seeds set evenly apart. Marluxia carefully helped each seed drink its fill, Roxas watching him with hazy, half lidded eyes. The seeds would bring new life into the world. Roxas stood up and willed his keyblades to appear in his hands. Without a word, he walked to a row of dirt and stuck Oblivion into it, liking how it sunk into the ground.

"Roxas, what –" The Graceful Assassin began, ignored by Roxas who had left the room.

_The flowers bloom_

Knock. Roxas heard the noise outside his door. "Don't come in," he said, turning another page in his photo album (3a). When Marluxia opened the door anyway, Roxas slammed his book closed and thrust it under his pillow.

"I believe this was your doing." Marluxia dropped something small, pink, shriveled, and pure as a newborn kitten into Roxas's lap before turning his heel and marching back out of the room.

Roxas picked up the small pink thing. It was a rosebud, curled into the shape of a small heart, tearing in half.

_The children play_

Demyx struck a cord on his guitar. "You miss him, don't you?"

Roxas sighed softly. For some reason, he felt better talking to and being with Demyx than Marluxia. "Yeah."

Demyx set down his guitar. "Let's make some new memories to numb the old ones, then." He winked, but it was not seductive. It was more of a childish, playful, 'let's have fun!' (Not that kind of fun) wink. "Get your camera."

Roxas did, and the two made lots of memories, fooling around, setting free what was left of their inner childhoods.

_The stars gleam_

Memory's Skyscraper never looked so tall. "Perhaps", thought Roxas, "it's all my memories of Axel piling up that make it seem taller." At the very peak, he noticed a star twinkling out of sight for a split second before it ignited itself into a white burst again. His not-heart skipped a beat. "Maybe…Axel just winked at me from Heaven?" he wondered to himself, before mentally shrugging off the thought.

_The poets dream_

"Roxas…what was your friendship with Axel?" Zexion inquired, resting his elbow on his desk, chin in palm.

"Go to hell, Zexion." Roxas retorted, sitting opposite the desk in a chair.

"I just want to know so I can have the right mindset for—" (4)

"Would you talk so casually about a loved one after losing them?" Roxas snapped, standing up and leaving the room.

"So they WERE lovers…" Zexion whispered as Roxas stormed into the hallway.

_The eagles' fly_

Axel floated freely through the black void. Free. A word he had never known for real until his death. "Don't worry, Roxy," he said aloud, hoping the words would somehow reach Roxas, "I'm free as an eagle now. Happier than I ever was when I was alive."

_Without you_

Roxas lit a match and held it close to his face, letting it warm him.

It was the next best thing to a warm embrace from Axel.

_The earth turns_

Roxas stood out in the middle of Fragment Crossing, looking at the stars. He felt so small, looking at the sky. He was only one small part of one small world in the enormous universe, and the sky, the big, glorious sky that covered everything, echoed that feeling of insignificance.

He could feel The World That Never Was move beneath his feet.

_The sun burns_

Roxas wondered what the sun was like. He never saw it, since he lived in a world of constant darkness. He imagined it would be amazing, like Axel's flame, a blaze of glory.

Axel.

He missed him. More than words could say. He always would.

His best friend.

His love.

What brought Roxas back to life in the spring.

_But I die_

Roxas sat on his bed, naked, exposed, but not pure. He held up the small razor in front of his eyes, wondering whether he should do this or not. What would it accomplish? You'll feel pain and therefore feel closer to him, he answered himself.

It was harder than simply deciding to do it, though.

He held the dull side of the shining blade to his wrist, getting used to the cool metallic feel of it. It wasn't an easy thing to get used to. The icy metal made him shiver upon contact, sending a chill through his petite body. Turning the blade so the sharp side made contact with his pale skin, he applied pressure so it could dig lightly into his flesh.

Roxas winced, swallowing a whimper as he slid the blade back and forth. He held his hand over his stomach, allowing a few drops of blood to fall. Red flowers, red as fire, bloomed on his skin, and the blood turned to a steady trickle. Roxas winced again, clutching the wound and letting it go again.

"It's okay if it hurts…" he decided in his thoughts, "Because that's how he went. Painfully.'

You know, Axel," he said, hoping that his spirit would hear him, "It's pretty lonely to die w_ithout you_."

Without you 

(1) – Remember the end of the first game? Sora walking through that giant field and whatnot? Yeah. Same place.

(2) – The way I wrote these two sentences seems unclear, but I'm referring to how grass always seems to grow back after it's been buried under snow, when people stay dead and don't revive in the first sentence, and in the second sentence I'm referring to how when people die and their bodies rot, they turn into fertilizer.

(3a+b) – In the KH2 "tutorial", the Nobodies take Roxas's pictures, so I thought it would be appropriate for his Nobody self to like taking pictures too, kind of like Ritsuka from Loveless.

(4) – Zexi-chan (that's his nickname, live with it) was going to say that he was going to write a poem about friendship, so he needed the right mindset. He just seems like the poetic type and I couldn't think of anything else for this line.

Hope you enjoyed it! Please review! Look forward to more Rent songfics in the future.


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